Monthly Archives: February 2015


Something for the weekend

Beach lookout

Bonjour mesdames et messieurs, ca va? Apologies, I spent last weekend in Paris and in my head I’m still there. If you think it’s hard to understand a Yorkshireman, just wait til you have to hear one attempting French. Mayhem.

Anyway, I survived the trip which consisted of eating snails, pastries and drinking fine wine, and made it back to the big smoke ready for another week of hard graft. This week in the life of Bloodybigspider we finally got round to hosting Pollen – the greatest networking event in the world for people working in marcomms. If there’s an award for that out there we’d definitely win it.

In all seriousness it was a fantastic night and it was great to see so many people down there. All of us here at Bloodybigspider met some bloody nice people and we hope to see you again at the next event. My highlight of the night (as well as talking to lots of lovely people) was the little mouse running around trying to do some networking. He was cute but I don’t think anyone was interested in his pitch about cheese. Sorry mouse.

Here’s some delightful Instagrams from the event that was Pollen:

Make sure you stay tuned with us on Twitter and we’ll keep you updated on all things #PollenLondon @bloodybigspider!

Friday evening is upon us, so here’s some of our favourite things from the internet this week:

That’s it for this week mes amis. Don’t forget to comment and share your favourite links with us too!

Happy weekend!

The BBS team


Once upon a tweet: TheGingerbread Man

Where am I? What am I? I can smell #goldensyrup (Is that how hashtags work?)

Did I say that right? Hashtag?

Srsly what’s going on? One minute I’m roastin my arse off in an oven, next I’ve got a cherry for a nose and icing all over my face.

I’m pretty sure I just heard someone say ‘let’s taste the gingerbread man.’ Guys, I think that’s me.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp #help




Hello? Police? Anyone? What’s wrong with this phone?! 9999999999999999

Ok guys, it’s alright, I legged it out of there. Some idiot left the window open. Nothing can stop me now!

Hahahaha a pig actually just ASKED if he could eat me. He actually said ‘please stop, I want to eat you.’ HOW STUPID DOES HE THINK I AM?

Right, a cow just asked the same thing. I’m gonna have to make up some kind of rhyme or something.

Yo, yo, I’m the G man, hear me sing! Please stop asking to eat me, I’ll just say no and it’ll get embarrassing.

@3pigz Oh, I thought it was pretty good. You reckon I need to be more aggressive?

Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man! #genius

Although I can’t help feeling I’m sort of encouraging them to chase me with that one.

Guys it’s not working AT ALL. A horse just tried to bite my leg off. Why couldn’t I have been a brandy snap?

@HanselPlusGretel Hey guys! I’m not sure, I smell quite cinnamonny I suppose, and my buttons are made from green smarties.

@HanselPlusGretel Cool, I’ll come round about 3pm, text me your address. Shall I bring snacks?

@HanselPlusGretel Ok, if you’re sure you’re not hungry…

That’s really kind of you @FriendlyFox, I’d love a lift across the river! Thanx!!! Meet you there in 5 X

@HanselPlusGretel Transport sorted – see you in a bit xx

Hey @FriendlyFox, I see you!

Aww, @FriendlyFox is getting tired! Gonna chill on his nose for a bit. #ThisIsTheLife

Wait  a second…









The Twitter account @GingerDude is currently unavailable.


Once upon a tweet: The Tortoise and the Hare

Oi @tortyboy I can’t believe how bloody late you were last nite u cheeky git #moveyourarse

@tortyboy nah your shell ain’t THAT heavy, I was carrying a bucket of carrots and I made it on time ffs

Err @tortyboy what do u mean speed doesn’t matter? Do u know how many hrs I’ve wasted waiting for u over the years u mug?

HAHAHA WTF? RT @tortyboy: Alright, let’s race. Bet you a tenner I’ll win.

@tortyboy you’re on mate! #easymoney

Hey peeps, I’m running for @SaveTheHareUK, pls sponsor me yeah?

Warming up for the #bigrace. Don’t know why I’m bothering.

@bettybunny15 thanks darlin’, you can come give me a massage after 😉

And we’re off! See you on the other side bitches!

This is getting well boring, haven’t seen @tortyboy for about 25 minutes. You given up and gone him mate? LOL

Gonna sit down for a bit and play #Farmville

Still no sign of @tortyboy – think he might be dead. Right, let’s finish this thing.

Who’s this joker ploddin over the finish line? This is a PRIVATE RACE geezer #JogOn

Hang about… @tortyboy wtf are you doing over there?


@thecleverfoxx No he fucking cheated mate! Someone carried him over there!

@tortyboy bollox! you’re slower than a fucking baked bean mate, no way you beat me

@tortyboy What are you going on about? SLOW AND STEADY NEVER WON ANY FUCKING RACE!

I’m retiring from running. #MugsGame


Once upon a tweet: The Princess and the Pea

Once upon a time, Siobhan – who is studying part time for a Master’s in Children’s Literature – decided to see what our beloved heroes and villains of folklore might have said if they’d had social media back in the dark ages.

Well, you wouldn’t think it, but the Prince from The Princess and the Pea is a quite the prolific tweeter…


Looks like I might have to venture out of Chelsea to find a wife, I hoped it wouldn’t come to this.

I’m a bloody prince, shouldn’t somebody be out interviewing wives for me or something? #YOLO

@GoldiTweets Hey thanks babes, but I’d prefer a girl WITHOUT a criminal record, LOL

Right, just to clarify: my dream girl would be demure, well spoken, graceful…

@GretelRules Oh yeah? And what did you say your parents do for a living?


@SleepingBeautyOfficial Hi hun! Where you living these days?

@SleepingBeautyOfficial Which forest? Can I get a cab there?

Ok this isn’t working. I’ve LITERALLY been all over Kensington, it is.

Who’s knocking on the castle door at this time of night?

OMG. So I open the door and there’s this proper fit blonde standing there, soaking wet from the rain.

And get this… she’s a fucking princess! #AMAZEBALLS. See you in the morning 😉 #ThatWasEasy

Err, mum just put her in the spare room on top of 20 fucking mattresses. FML.

@Queenie What d’you mean you don’t think she’s really a princess?

@Queenie PEAS? What are you going on about?

Whatevs, I’m going to sleep.

Swear it wasn’t me! RT @MysteriousPrincess Heaven knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard and now I’m black and blue all over my body

@Queenie Seriously mum she’s covered in bruises – what the hell did you do to her?

@Queenie I knew you didn’t want me to get married.

@Queenie Stop blaming the peas.

Yeeeeah boi, I’m getting married!!!!!!!

Bros, my new bride’s the real deal, she felt three tiny peas under all those mattresses!

@P_Charming Well mum says that’s the measure of a good princess, feeling peas under a mattress.

@P_Charming Really? Where did she get that from then?

@Queenie Mum are you sure this is right? Do you really think I should marry someone just because she got bruised by some vegetables?

@Queenie But you’ve rejected every other potential wife I’ve brought home, what makes you think she’s the one?

@Queenie BUT WHY PEAS????

@Queenie Tell me!!!

@Queenie But she keeps going on about what a bad night’s sleep she had and moaning about the bruises. BORING.

@DaKing No I tried but she won’t let me touch her! She just wants to sleep.

Don’t have high hopes for the wedding night.

@GoldiTweets What you up to later babes?


I’ve fallen in love: Gtech’s vacuuming chorus line

Previous adverts from Gtech (the Dyson wannabes) were, I think it’s fair to say, a bit pedestrian. Using an inventor or owner as the face of the brand is a tried and tested approach (think Richard Branson or perhaps more appropriately – James Dyson), but it does require them to have a bit of character. Nick Grey, who I’m sure is a very talented inventor and all-round great guy down the pub, unfortunately doesn’t set anyone’s world on fire in his previous adverts (sorry Nick).

I’m not sure it helps that his vacuum cleaners look like they were designed with a set square.

But then along comes their current advert, with, I think the most inspired soundtrack in a long time. I Want to Break Free by Queen. I don’t know how much it cost them (I imagine a lot) but I reckon it was well worth it. For those of you who haven’t seen Queen’s official music video for this song, you’d be best watching this before we go any further:

So with that in mind, here’s Gtech’s current advert (from McCann Worldwide – nice one chaps):

The beauty of this advert is that it works perfectly on so many levels:

  • ‘I want to break free’ – it’s a cordless vacuum cleaner
  • No need or expensive dubbing for foreign markets
  • For anyone who’s ever heard the song and seen the video, it’ll raise a smile (Brian May with his curlers in, what’s not to like?)
  • It’s actually fun to watch, and how often can you say that about an advert – in general but especially about cleaning products?
  • Who doesn’t love a large cast of synchronised dancers?
  • The lead actress gives a great, subtle performance
  • It manages to showcase the problems of a traditional corded vacuum cleaner
  • It’s a great song in its own right (although it does seem that Queen are licensing their back catalog a lot at the moment)
Stephen Holmes